There is no celebration in another man biting the dust. It's not something to be snarky or giddy about. There are victims involved. People whose lives are permanently changed because some man couldn't be, well, a man.
Matt Lauer was fired from NBC this past week. He is being accused by multiple co-workers of sexual misconduct. The stories coming from those accusations are not good. Before I go any further, I want to say that I believe everyone is innocent until proven guilty. But let's be real, men have been getting away with a lot of this nonsense for years, decades, centuries. Heck, they've been getting away with, "boys will be boys," and "locker room talk," since the dawn of time. This is simply not okay and if you are a follower of Christ, you should be absolutely disgusted by this kind of behavior.
The list of men accused of sexual misconduct issues is quickly growing. From Billy Cosby to former President H.W. Bush, the list just keeps growing.
- Harvey Weinstein
- Kevin Spacey
- Ben Affleck
- Roy Moore
- Anthony Weiner
- Bill O'Reilly
- Roy Price
- Louis C.K.
The purpose of this post is not to cast blame or declare a verdict. The purpose of this post is to offer a few practical things to men must do to right this ship.
1. Joseph is a verb!
When Joseph was a stud-muffin in Egypt, another dude's wife had the hots for him. Big time. She wanted him desperately. Every day when her husband went to work, she went after Joseph.
One day she pulls him into her room and tries to seduce him. He pulls a crazy ninja move, slips out of his robe and Usain Bolts out the door. This is called "Josephing." He's a verb.
Here's my point. This isn't even about right and wrong. This isn't about consensual anything. This is about knowing what's right before God and having the integrity to do the right thing no matter the consequences. Joseph will serve some time in prison after being falsely accused of rape. But that's not the point of the story. The point is that God honors his integrity by eventually giving him the second most powerful seat in Egypt which allows him to save the nation of Israel.
No Joseph. No nation of Israel. No Jesus.
How many opportunities are missed and lives ruined because men can't see the long picture? They give it all up for a few minutes of fun or by trying to hide things from people around them.
Men, do more Josephing.
2. Stop looking at porn!
Back in history some 4000 years or so, there wasn't "porn" like we think of it today. But there were still attractive women and men who consumed them. So this is really more about controlling your eyes. Every woman who walks down the street, comes into your gym, works at your office, sips coffee at your local watering hole, is not yours to consume with your eyes. Get a grip, men.
I love how Job handles this from thousands of years ago.
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman. Job 31:1 NLT
He's saying, I am in control of my eyes and I will not use them to consume women. And do you want to know something Job would never be accused of? Sexual misconduct or assault. Why? Because he would never be in that position in the first place because he was in control of his eyes. So he never viewed another woman as his to use for his own pleasure. Which brings me back to my original point.
Men, stop looking at porn! No, seriously. Here's the cycle; a little bit of soft porn turns to "real" porn, turns to hard porn turns to acting out because you exhaust your pleasure staring at a screen. If we want to see transformation in our society about how men view and treat women, we need to stop objectifying them in porn. I'm willing to bet porn is a huge factor in the lives of men who are accused and found guilty of sexual harassment, misconduct, etc.
If you need to some help with accountability when it comes to pornography, you can get started with the people over at XXX Church. They have incredible resources for fighting back against porn. Every man needs it. And to be honest, it's a bigger issue among women than we might care to admit.
3. Fall back in love with your wife!
In many ways, it's really that simple. If you head over heels in love with your wife at home, it helps to focus your mind and eyes away from other women. Will you see other women in the world who are attractive? Yep. Does that mean they are yours to consume either mentally or physically? Nope.
This is what I love about Ephesians 5:25-27. It's all about the husband working so hard to love his wife, so much so that it feels like death. To love her well is to die to yourself. That's what it means. And husbands do this to the point where your wife is presented to you without spot, wrinkle or blemish.
She. Is. Perfect.
This is how Jesus sees the church, His people, men and women. He literally died for them because of His love for them. And now we are seen as perfect before God as a result.
In the human sense, husbands, if you will love your wives the way Christ loved the church, there will NEVER be another woman on this planet who compares. And definitely not one worth losing your life over.
So if your wife is a flower kind of person. Go buy her flowers. Right now. No, seriously. I'm not the important one here. Go do something for her.
If your wife is a words of affirmation kind of person, go home and shower her with praise. Quit whining about everything you don't have. You're not that big of a deal anyway.
Leave her notes on the bathroom mirror or in her car again. Invest in her. Sacrifice for her. Die to yourself for her. Go fall in love with your wife again.
Men, I want to challenge you in this area. Women are not here for us to consume. They are not objects for us to take advantage of. They are fellow human beings, image bearers of God, children of the King and for those who follow Christ, heirs with Christ, sisters in faith. This comes down to family. They are family. Even the ones you don't know you pass by on the street. It is not your role to consume her with your eyes or hands or worse. It is your job to see her as a precious daughter in the eyes of God and to treat her as such.